You tiptoed away into the forest
the leaves fell sylvan green
branches crossed light filtered through
the specks of light turned shadows
You looked back at me a moment
I thought I felt your hand against mine
it was just the warmth of the sun trickling through the trees.
And when the fog lifted
rubble, boots, rivers
the things you whispered still floating in the air
I realized that it was just me.
Where does the wind go when we’re gone?
twisting through the trees
winding through the fenceposts
where does it go when we leave?
the years will carry these leaves
far, far away from here
the gravel under our feet just a memory.
where does the wind go?
a few moons
sitting searching for that
you left those flowers in the hallway
they’re wilted but they still feel like home
pacing up the hall
padded feet and the smell of sunflowers
carried away in the wind
dandelions, they never found their place.
but you’re there as they swirl around me and
you’re there as the waters churn and the ocean
carves at the shore and you’re there
as the sands shift with the tides
and i remember those old piano keys
they’re covered in dust
those stars over that wooden deck we built in the backyard
that fire burning off in the distance and
i feel rain pattering in my quiet thoughts.
but i feel warm when you wrap me in your blanket
and i feel safe in the sunshine of your smile
and i feel home when i walk up those wooden stairs
and i see you standing there.
i’ve lived 4 lives in 2 years.
streaks of light tunnels racing
scenery like a film reel flashing
you told me you didn’t love me
i drank whiskey, dark, forgotten words
and then there was laughter
skipping down an empty sidewalk,
and a midnight moon
can we stay here forever?
i don’t want to forget
does forever exist?
it’s getting so loud
and we’re moving so fast
all of a sudden the deafening roar
The lights snap, bursting white sparks into black
Dark, vast… where?
The end of the tracks
cut the noise like a sliver
This is where 4 lives end
And one begins
I can still hear their voices.
She loved him with a madness
With a fury that could tear the mountains apart
If anything I knew she loved him, more than her body knew how, more than the earth could fathom.
And when the stars tore them from each other she loved him still – so madly, so perhaps wrongly, but so passionately the winds couldn’t understand it, the desert couldn’t see the purity of her devotion for this man
But if I know one thing
I know I will always admire the depth with which she loved him, the blind all she gave, everything she had.
But more than this, what I admire most was that when he tore heart apart, she stood back up and loved herself more passionately than ever before.
And when we’re up there on the summit,
where the sun meets water’s edge
we’ll see why the tides fell like they did
and why the moon always shone in that very same spot.
why no matter how the wind blew
you’ve always felt like my soft spot to land.
you’re my home amidst the clamor and the lights
and maybe you’re my north star
– or maybe this is what happens when galaxies collide.
i search for you in pages in books
the words lain across the page
maybe you’re just at the very bottom.
i look for you around the edges of my sheets
between the fingers of my brush
in the shadows the dust casts around my bedroom.
maybe i’ll find you in the pauses before my quiet breaths
in the spaces next to the words of our favorite songs
i’ll search for you
i’ll find you in that moment right after i wake from a dream, hazy
and just before i open my eyes
maybe i’ll find your laughter in the coffee stains on the lip of my morning cup
or maybe i’ll find the traces of your smile left in the spaces between them
I see you on trains, in subway stations. you glance at me and you smile –
Like we share some sort of secret.
Light shadows race past me and everything else goes still and silent,
You flicker like a television screen.
And as you turn away the pieces of you begin to fade
They get carried away with each passing train.
we are gathering speed
the clock strikes midnight and the particles of my heart stream out of me like electrons gathered in your current.
I can still see your smile in the back of my mind
It’s burned into me like smoke
I know your face because I’ve loved it for so long.
And as the last train out pulls away from the station
I’m leaving pieces of me all over the city.
i see you in smoke rafters the beams, the cigarette butts falling between the grates
i see you in the stillness of candles, the slow burn, the flickering of desire
i see you in music and every time i pick up my dusty guitar the ashes fall off and you linger in the shine
i see you standing there.
i see our breakdown, i hear you say “you just told me you didn’t love me” i hear the break in your voice
i feel it die in my chest
you sit hunched over in that familiar position with your boots on, staring at the floor
i see flowers i see ashes i see the light that once was, the sun how it shone when i heard your voice
i see you in street corners. alleyways. the fleeting glance of a stranger rushing by
i see gray. the dull pain, the end.
There goes my love
I’m letting it die
I’m letting it fade from inside and slip out from beneath me
And I don’t want to go
But this is where I’m going
I don’t want to go
But I’m letting you fade away
I’m letting your kisses slip from the trace of my lips
I’m letting your touch slip from the curves of my back
And right now it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart that one day it won’t.