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stop my heart from beating

where has it all gone

stop

you don’t know how you don’t

read me a story, count all the minutes

between when the doors closed

the sheets, the covers

i told you when these day late hours

rusted over

the only things left would be

that empty blanket and

where she sighed, happily

i told you that i’d always remember

our favorite songs

and gazing up at the ceiling

when you laughed and

thumbed through that magazine mindlessly

cause in those in between hazy daylight hours

was where my heart was

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Manila

There are black clouds above Manila

tiny islands tiny lights, roads winding

Into towns into staircases tiny causeways

to your heart

There are black clouds above Manila

little lights little surfers little sands

little sparks

maybe someday

little lanterns

write their way

into your heart

You Start Dying Slowly

By Martha Medeiros:

You start dying slowly

if you do not travel,

if you do not read,

If you do not listen to the sounds of life,

If you do not appreciate yourself.

You start dying slowly

When you kill your self-esteem;

When you do not let others help you.

You start dying slowly

If you become a slave of your habits,

Walking everyday on the same paths…

If you do not change your routine,

If you do not wear different colours

Or you do not speak to those you don’t know.

You start dying slowly

If you avoid to feel passion

And their turbulent emotions;

Those which make your eyes glisten

And your heart beat fast.

You start dying slowly

If you do not change your life when you are not satisfied with your job, or with your love,

If you do not risk what is safe for the uncertain,

If you do not go after a dream,

If you do not allow yourself,

At least once in your lifetime,

To run away from sensible advice…

Bookends

I want to devour those pages

those words, intoxicating fantasy

the pit in my stomach,

Ravage you, cover to cover

I want to feel your cobblestones against the soles of my feet and revel in the sunshine playing off of your shoulders

The window gaze reflecting sharply searing into my consciousness

Take me down a little dirt road to faraway England where the sun shines down on the fields of peat

Take me through forests

Replete with dew

The smell of cinder in the trees

Take me through twists and turns to that old bar

Brett Ashley smoking in the corner

lazy gaze of wine, drunk, and afternoon glistening in her eyes

Take me running through glittering cities

breathless

the grates hitting our heels endless causeways

and then lead me back to that forgotten orange

Sitting in the fruit bowl placed up high

Long gone summers, kisses, laughter

Take me through those corners and tell me why you always keep the light on in that empty room just in case

I want to feel those corners like they’re mine

Memorize the pages, run them across my tongue like aged honey

Filling my chest like love found,

Like love lost.

Take me back to the time we were sitting in that old Chevrolet and the dust was catching the sun just right across the windshield, lazy day in 1979

You put your sunglasses on and kissed me and everything felt like cigarette smoke and sunshine.

-mh

Rivers

You tiptoed away into the forest

the leaves fell sylvan green

branches crossed light filtered through

the specks of light turned shadows

 

You looked back at me a moment

I thought I felt your hand against mine

 

it was just the warmth of the sun trickling through the trees.

 

And when the fog lifted

rubble, boots, rivers

the things you whispered still floating in the air

 

I realized that it was just me.

The Wind

Where does the wind go when we’re gone?

twisting through the trees

winding through the fenceposts

where does it go when we leave?

the years will carry these leaves

far, far away from here

the gravel under our feet just a memory.

where does the wind go?

 

a few moons

many winds

many nights

many stars

only whispers

 

-mh

Wooden Stairs

sitting searching for that

you left those flowers in the hallway

they’re wilted but they still feel like home

pacing up the hall

padded feet and the smell of sunflowers

carried away in the wind

dandelions, they never found their place.

but you’re there as they swirl around me and

you’re there as the waters churn and the ocean

carves at the shore and you’re there

as the sands shift with the tides

and i remember those old piano keys

they’re covered in dust

those stars over that wooden deck we built in the backyard

that fire burning off in the distance and

i feel rain pattering in my quiet thoughts.

but i feel warm when you wrap me in your blanket

and i feel safe in the sunshine of your smile

and i feel home when i walk up those wooden stairs

and i see you standing there.

-mh

Tunnels

i’ve lived 4 lives in 2 years.

streaks of light tunnels racing

scenery like a film reel flashing

skipping scenes

you told me you didn’t love me

i drank whiskey, dark, forgotten words

 

and then there was laughter

skipping down an empty sidewalk,

and a midnight moon

can we stay here forever?

i don’t want to forget

 

does forever exist?

no

 

vibrating

shaking

swelling

 

it’s getting so loud

and we’re moving so fast

(too fast?)

all of a sudden the deafening roar

The lights snap, bursting white sparks into black

Silenced

Dark, vast… where?

 

The end of the tracks

cut the noise like a sliver

This is where 4 lives end

And one begins

 

I can still hear their voices.

-mh