so many words i wanted to say
untouched spaces, fragments, mind
untouched heart caverns, rivers
and where is the hard,
where is it when all i see is water, ruins, drown
your softness cuts into my chest
empty cave, gravel grinding, crush
dark and where, where is the hard
where is the hard when the very place
where i once felt safe now scares me to death
dark corners, mirrors, walls and walls and walls
pain, no love to be found.
There are black clouds above Manila
tiny islands tiny lights, roads winding
Into towns into staircases tiny causeways
to your heart
There are black clouds above Manila
little lights little surfers little sands
write their way
into your heart
You tiptoed away into the forest
the leaves fell sylvan green
branches crossed light filtered through
the specks of light turned shadows
You looked back at me a moment
I thought I felt your hand against mine
it was just the warmth of the sun trickling through the trees.
And when the fog lifted
rubble, boots, rivers
the things you whispered still floating in the air
I realized that it was just me.
i’ve lived 4 lives in 2 years.
streaks of light tunnels racing
scenery like a film reel flashing
you told me you didn’t love me
i drank whiskey, dark, forgotten words
and then there was laughter
skipping down an empty sidewalk,
and a midnight moon
can we stay here forever?
i don’t want to forget
does forever exist?
it’s getting so loud
and we’re moving so fast
all of a sudden the deafening roar
The lights snap, bursting white sparks into black
Dark, vast… where?
The end of the tracks
cut the noise like a sliver
This is where 4 lives end
And one begins
I can still hear their voices.
It is strange when you can see the ends of things so clearly.
The dust, the fray, the edges of things –
where it all ends.
the walk away – one last time down the hall you knew so well
never to be walked that very same way again.
It was strange to see the turn of the corner.
To watch you disappear into the dark
knowing that was the day you walked out of my life forever.
This is the intersection.
Hang a left, I’ll make a right
And I won’t look back
but you know
while you were here
it was good, it was good
it was so, so good
it was so good to see you smile.
and when i saw you
glimmers of light, sea, life
the ships were racing past me
and in your anchor i found my island.
you see with you i could float
flashes of watery undercurrent
disappear into shimmering sunlight
i held my breath
the hurricane that never came
and when i looked up
all i could see
you stood on the corner
a little sliver of me
a little piece of the trees
there was sunshine and you
were the whole of my heart
disappearing into the slant of sunlight
where I couldn’t see you.
I craned my neck, looking back for you.
And you didn’t notice
but as I turned my back to approach the sunlight,
my heart disappeared when you did.
In retrospect it all seemed glossier
Rose faded colored glasses and the tint of sienna haze that formed whenever you said goodbye –
The glow in your warm center and your laughter
Holding hands walking up the dark stairwell the petals
trailed behind us and blew away with the wind
They got swept up in the whirlwind and disappeared into the sunlight.
I could see those little specks of light trickling through the dusty corridor whenever I came home,
And the dust would form a shape just like you used to
They were holding your place.
curled tightly on the couch
beautiful glint in his eyes
he doesn’t know
he tucks his nose down next to his back paws
will he miss me?
I place 5 small kisses evenly down his back
hoping he’ll remember
each one a storage of love
to be opened when he wants to sit on my feet and stare up at me
for reassurance, for love, to show me he needs me
and no feet can be found.
6am and the world is still
light barely sifting past windowsills and eyelashes
the glow of your voice and the silence of the morning as
the sparkle in your warm light
illuminates the gray
gently waking sleeping birds and sleeping souls
we’ll dance across the city
skipping stones of notes and verse
the city comes alive
there’s coffee on your doorstep
there’s music in the avenues
there’s grime, there’s history, there’s heartbreak and it wraps around the alleyways
but the cracks in my heart are fading
as the leaves begin to fall
and for a moment
everything else is still
everything else is quiet
everything fades into white and
it’s just me
it’s just you
and the sunrise.