Photograph

You told me life was impermanent, that like dandelions, we all fade

And I’m too ashamed to say that I don’t want to be alone

I’m too scared to admit

That I find meaning in every little thing you say

And I don’t want to hear what you said circling in my mind

In that empty room in the dark as the lights go out across the city

I’m too scared to tell you that

I wanted to paint you in a memory that I can’t even place

on fingertip, on in-between, on this nonstop reel of

flashing scenes, of poetry, of faded light

She said “I paint flowers so they will not die,”

And I wanted to take this record and make it spin forever.

If I could bottle up your brilliant heart and give it to the

sun

watch it rise every morning

as I lift my head from the pillow

Maybe I’d remember

this is why we love.

Nevermore

Your hyper-star gaze
Visceral in my throat punch

Smile cocked like a gun
Checking my tires
Popped them like a mail gun

Tell me wicked little secrets
Titillate me with your devilish desires
Wake me stupid with your dirty charms
Til I sleep in nevermore

Choke me lurid with your tailspin

Wake me stupid from a daydream

Take me weakly with your left hand

Lullaby me nevermore

Lentils

“No reason to lie when you can shock them with the truth. It’s more interesting anyway,” you said.

Lentils, cooked or not, are still lentils. They just smell different. I squeezed them tightly in palm of my hand.

“Anthony, why’d you give me cooked lentils? That’s so weird. Why are you so weird?” He always loved lentils. The red kind, not the green.

“Anthony. Darling. Let’s walk up this hill and catch the last sunset together. It’ll be worth it. I’ll buy you a home by the sea, just like you wanted.”

You asked me why.

“Because that’s what people do when they love each other, Anthony. That’s what we do.”

For the unforgettable – Ecuadorian flute bearing – MJ.

-mh-

Any Excuse

I’ll take any excuse to love you

So explain to me that the sky isn’t blue

That this pain I’m feeling isn’t real

Tell me that people don’t really have two hands Tell me we’ll live forever

even though I know someday we all have to go

I’ll take any excuse to love you

Any excuse to believe that this might somehow work Tell me that when you paused

when I asked if you thought we’d be together always

That you really meant yes

Salt

salt and snow gravel grind beneath your shadow smile

miles and miles,

left behind the train tracks skidding with the pebbles dancing off the rails as we race on by.

Don’t you know we’re going to Alaska?

you say laughing, throwing your hat into the air

throwing

your

hat

into

the

air

for a moment all i see is your joy

and in that moment i know that nothing else matters

-mh-

Hard

so many words i wanted to say

untouched spaces, fragments, mind

untouched heart caverns, rivers

shattered, blind

and where is the hard,

where is it when all i see is water, ruins, drown

your softness cuts into my chest

empty cave, gravel grinding, crush

dark and where, where is the hard

where is the hard when the very place

where i once felt safe now scares me to death

dark corners, mirrors, walls and walls and walls

pain, no love to be found.