i see you in smoke rafters the beams, the cigarette butts falling between the grates
i see you in the stillness of candles, the slow burn, the flickering of desire
i see you in music and every time i pick up my dusty guitar the ashes fall off and you linger in the shine
i see you standing there.
i see our breakdown, i hear you say “you just told me you didn’t love me” i hear the break in your voice
i feel it die in my chest
you sit hunched over in that familiar position with your boots on, staring at the floor
i see flowers i see ashes i see the light that once was, the sun how it shone when i heard your voice
i see you in street corners. alleyways. the fleeting glance of a stranger rushing by
i see gray. the dull pain, the end.
There goes my love
I’m letting it die
I’m letting it fade from inside and slip out from beneath me
And I don’t want to go
But this is where I’m going
I don’t want to go
But I’m letting you fade away
I’m letting your kisses slip from the trace of my lips
I’m letting your touch slip from the curves of my back
And right now it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart that one day it won’t.
you stood on the corner
a little sliver of me
a little piece of the trees
there was sunshine and you
were the whole of my heart
disappearing into the slant of sunlight
where I couldn’t see you.
I craned my neck, looking back for you.
And you didn’t notice
but as I turned my back to approach the sunlight,
my heart disappeared when you did.
In retrospect it all seemed glossier
Rose faded colored glasses and the tint of sienna haze that formed whenever you said goodbye –
The glow in your warm center and your laughter
Holding hands walking up the dark stairwell the petals
trailed behind us and blew away with the wind
They got swept up in the whirlwind and disappeared into the sunlight.
I could see those little specks of light trickling through the dusty corridor whenever I came home,
And the dust would form a shape just like you used to
They were holding your place.
When the warm hours rust over and slowly turn to the steely sounds of rushing and of cold and water droplets leaking from dusty pipes
I will remember the nights we sat on my old apartment floor reminiscing and pressing our toes together to show that we understood.
I will remember the beach and the way that sand carried through the wind and how your laughter echoed across the paths of gulls as she ran out to play.
I will think upon those days of light footed exploration where foggy ponds became magical landscapes
Where we ran through the docks head on into our futures.
I will remember the way you laughed as you skipped gingerly across those mossy rocks. You always had a way of making everything worthy of a smile.
And I will remember all the nights you called me and told me, “Honey, everything will be alright.”
– It will be alright
just so long as you will always be my happy conversation
The one who forgets to put the chicken in the freezer
But that has never stopped me from loving you –
– it never has-
It has only ever made me love you more.